I Kissed a Bunch of Old Men in New Orleans: Overview of the Irish Channel Parade
Some travel experiences are life-changing in ways you wouldn’t expect. Or if not life-changing, at least memorable. This is a story about stepping outside your comfort zone. Since I started my digital nomadic odyssey, I’ve had a few of those. So without further ado, here’s my experience at the Irish Channel Parade in New Orleans.
About a month prior to my first Irish Channel Parade, I’d met a sassy redhead I’ll call Kate at a Mardi Gras Parade. When I say she knows how to work a float, she knows. She gets the best throws, and she’s not the least bit shy about asking for what she wants. In other words, she’s a lot of fun. So I asked her to come to the parade with me, and boy was I in for a surprise. But first, the basics.
When is the Irish Channel PArade?
It always occurs the Saturday before St. Patrick’s Day, unless St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Saturday–then it’s on St. Patrick’s Day!
What to bring to the Irish Channel Parade?
Booze
A bag for your throws
Tissues for the porta potties
Red lipstick. I’ll explain later.
What to expect at the Irish Channel Parade
Drinking, dancing, fake flowers, garters, flying cabbage, and kissing…again, I’ll explain!
A photo from the Downtown Irish Club Parade
What else is there to do in New Orleans for St. Patrick’s day?
In New Orleans, St, Patrick’s Day isn’t just a day, or even a weekend–it’s a season! There are parades and celebrations on and after St. Patrick’s Day:
Downtown Irish Club Parade – French Quarter on St. Patrick’s Day evening
Metairie Irish-Italian Parade – Occurs on the Sunday after St. Patrick’s day
Gretna Irish-Italian Parade – Occurs the Sunday after the Metairie parade
Metairie St. Patrick’s Parade – Occurs the Sunday before St. Patrick’s Day
Irish Channel Block Party – Occurs on St. Patrick’s Day
More photos from the Downtown Irish Club Parade
My experience at Irish Channel Parade
Nobody does a parade like New Orleans, and I knew St. Patrick’s Day parades would not disappoint. Going in, I knew very little about this parade. I figured it would just be like a Mardi Gras parade, except with more shamrocks, and I’d heard cabbage would be thrown.
The theme of this parade is “Kiss Me I’m Irish.” And Kate told me all about the protocol. You put on bright red lipstick, pucker up, and try to get the marchers’ attention. Once they come over to you, give ’em a smooch, and in return, they’ll give you fake flowers that probably cost a dollar a dozen at Dollar Tree.
Eeeww, I thought at first. I’m a very shy introvert, and that did not sound like my cup of tea. But I figured I could still have a good time if I did not participate in any of that.
We got to the parade and found a spot. Kate pulled out a tube of bright red lip gloss and put some on her lips. She asked me if I wanted some, but I said nahhh…
The parade has begun.
The parade started. And with it came the men with flowers…
Most of the men looked to be age 70 and up, and from the looks of them, had started drinking around 7 a.m. that day.
It didn’t take Kate long to get a man to notice her. She planted a sticky red kiss on his cheek, and he gave her a green fabric rose.
It was also Kate’s birthday that day, so she had another New Orleans tradition going on. On birthdays, the birthday girl (or guy, I guess) takes a safety pin with a dollar on it and pins it to her chest. And all day, other people will come and add dollars to her pin.
Naturally the parade marchers noticed the birthday girl, and Kate ended up with bags full of flowers, beads, and cabbages. Another interesting throw: the garter. Sometimes the parade marchers will put a garter on your leg in lieu of giving flowers.
I watched her work the marchers and the floats. Men kept coming up to Kate, and more kisses and roses were exchanged. She had lived in New Orleans for 10 years and knew how to get the marchers’ attention.
“You learn some things,” she explained. Things meaning dancing, waving, yelling–whatever would get attention. I noticed she would try to get the attention of the marchers who were stumbling the most–the ones who could barely walk. One stopped to pour a little bottle of Fireball into Kate’s mouth.
Kate working her magic.
Despite all the drunkenness, it all seemed innocent enough.
Some of Kate’s friends showed up, and they brought homemade Jello shots. We had a pretty big group at that point, which added to the fun.
A friend of Kate’s getting a kiss, beads, AND a flower
Well, after a few of those Jello shots, I figured, when in Rome…
I asked Kate to borrow her bright red lip gloss. I slathered it all over my lips and puckered up.
And there the two of us stood with our red lips, waiting to plant them on someone. As a cousin of mine used to say, our mouths looked like a bluejay’s ass in mulberry season.
Kate was working the crowd, getting flowers left and right. I, on the other hand, didn’t have anywhere near the confidence she did. I tried to get the marchers’ attention. They didn’t respond to my meek waves and heys.
So I kept drinking.
Finally a man walked by with 6 black flowers, and somehow I mustered up confidence then.
“Hey, I want that black flower!” I cried.
He paused, turned to me, saw my bluejay mulberry mouth, and zipped over to me.
I really don’t recall how it happened. I don’t know if the flower or the kiss came first. But I did it. I left a red lipstick mark on that 80-year-old man’s face. And I got that black flower.
And it was all downhill from there. I’d found my voice, and I yelled for beads, flowers, and garters. I saw a really cool flamingo hat and asked for it. No clue what it had to do with St, Patrick’s Day, but I got it.
The aftermath with all my garb
“I’m not sure which ones will go on the mantle,” Kate said as she held up some cabbage beads, a gnome, and some other trinkets. I’d seen her mantle–she had two Muses shoes and some Zulu coconuts, neither of which I knew a thing about a month prior. I’ve learned it’s a common thing for New Orleans locals to keep a mantle or a cabinet with their best parade throws.
My loot of flowers and garters. I’m just as surprised as you are.
Final thoughts: Is the Irish Channel Parade worth it?
Yes! I’ll be going back, Not sure if I’ll bring red lipstick, but it’s a super fun parade!
Have you been to the Irish Channel Parade? Let me know in the comments!
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