Chicken Shit Bingo: a HilARIOUS must-do in Austin!

In my travels, I’ve seen some strange shit. And some of the strangest shit was Chicken Shit Bingo in Austin, Texas. The word I would use to describe this event is…Texas.

Picture Lonestars. Honky-tonk music. Cowboy hats. Boots. Chickens. Two-stepping. A giddy crowd, full of anticipation, who sweet-talk the chicken, encouraging her to “do her business.” Lots of Yee-haws. That pretty much sums up Chicken Shit Bingo at the Little Longhorn Saloon.

The object of the game is probably exactly what you’re thinking, but I’ll tell you anyway just to be clear. A chicken is placed onto a giant bingo board, and where she uh…shits is the winner. If that sounds like a good time to you, read on.

Chicken Shit Bingo Details

Where? Little Longhorn Saloon, 5434 Burnet Road, Austin, Texas 78756
When? Sundays from 4-8
Why? God only knows…

My Experience

When you go into the saloon, you’ll immediately see a stage and a small dance floor. I had to carefully maneuver my way in between two-stepping couples to get to the bar. The bingo takes place out back behind the bar, but you’ll want to appreciate the ambience inside too, and maybe even try two-stepping!

In order to play, you’ll need to make a “donation” (not a bet) of ten bucks and you’ll be given a number. When it’s time for the games to begin, a chicken is placed into a cage where the floor is a grid of numbers. There’s chicken feed all over the floor for her to eat, and if she shits on the square with your number, you win! It’s that simple.

Patsy was the chicken doing the picking when I was there. She chicken-walked all over the board, but wasn’t very hungry at first. It took several minutes before she ate any of the feed, which meant, of course, that it took a while for her to poop. Chicken Shit Bingo is exciting, but if the chicken isn’t hungry, there will be lulls in the festivities.

By the way, this event is for all ages. There were several kids with tickets. A woman held an infant high in the air so that she could see the chicken over the crowd.

After several minutes of no pooping action from the chicken, a lady, maybe the owner, came out to hype up the crowd to give the chicken words of encouragement. “She ain’t ever gonna shit unless y’all talk to her! They like to be talked to!”

This inspired a whole host of different voices to speak up and say things like–

“Come on, Patsy! Shit!”

“You can do it, girl!”

And for some reason, a few people made animal calls and noises, I guess to try to scare the shit out of the chicken. I heard a suey! Meows, barks, howls…

Any time Patsy would pause and look like she was about to go, the crowd would cheer her on to the tune of “Go on, Patsy, shit!”

Because it was taking so long, a different lady brought out another chicken to join Patsy. I did not catch the name of that chicken, but heard the lady say “May the best chicken win.”

After just a few more minutes, Patsy poised herself over square number 2 and…well, I don’t need to make that joke.

The crowd sure did go wild. There were several winners with lucky number 2. I believe the prize varies each week, and I have no clue what it was that day, but does anyone really come for the prize?

Would you go to Chicken Shit Bingo? Let me know in the comments!